Some Wild Camping Tips

Me being an experienced wild campist, I just thought I’d pass on some tips for all of those readers who might be considering experiencing this . . . er . . . experience this summer.

But first, a definition. For camping to be wild, you really should be a long way from wherever it was you started and not next to your car. You have to walk there for quite a while. It has to be, well, wild, if you know what I mean. Far away. On a hill or something.

On with the tips anyway . . .

Tip 1. Location.

Locations can be defined by four interchangeable parameters. These are:

• Sheltered
• Windy,
• Dry and
• Damp

There is a further sub-category of Damp which is "Wet" and another division of "Wet", which is "Underwater".

Try to avoid "Wet" if at all possible but the choice between "Sheltered" and "Windy" is less clear-cut.

If your site is sheltered, you might get a lot of condensation. On cold nights, this will be white and will form a small but short blizzard when you nip out for a pee.

If your site is windy, there will be little condensation, but your tent will collapse at 3;00 am. It will not blow away because you are in it and holding it down. As soon as you get out, though, it will blow away.

A dry site may well become wet during the night. See the various categories of wet above. A wet site never becomes dry, however.

Tip 2. Putting up the tent.

1. Remove tent from tent bag bag. Assemble pole(s). Remove pegs from little peg bag.
2. Lay out tent.
3. Chase tent bag across the moor, catch it, put it in your pocket and return to site.
4. Chase tent across the moor and catch it. Have a bit of a fight with it, sustaining a slight eye injury caused by a flailing guy rope with one of those metal things on the end. Return to site.
5. Stand on tent (lie on it if very windy) whilst inserting a couple of pegs to stop it blowing away.
6. Insert pole.
7. Pull out all guy ropes and peg them down.
8. Take tent down and start again because the door is facing into the wind and the tent is filling up like a balloon and you’re in some danger of unplanned flight Go to (2) above

Tip 3. Settling in

1. Once your tent is up, locate your sleeping mat and, if it is an inflatable one, inflate it. Listen to sound of escaping air but fail to find the source. Watch mat slowly deflate.
2. Locate your sleeping bag and lay it out. Fluff it up a bit.
3. Find your stove and pot, stuff for a brew (e.g. tea), spoon or spork and water bottle.
4. Exit the tent and find the nearest stream of purest cold mountain spring water (a.k.a. raging torrent of brown stuff). Fill the water bottle without falling in, or letting go of the bottle. Examine the bottle for life swimming about in it, bits of vegetable material, lumps, scum, insects or detergent foam. Shrug if any of these are found since emptying and refilling the bottle will only increase the quantities of whatever it is you’ve found.
5. Start to boil up "water" for a brew
6. Doze off whilst waiting for pot to boil.
7. Wake up suddenly covered in scalding water.
8. Extinguish fire in tent porch.
9. Go to (4) above.

Tip 4. In-tent entertainment.

1. Snuggle cosily into your sleeping bag and plug your Ipod into your ears
2. Listen to Abba’s Greatest Hits whilst imagining you hear strange noises outside. Notice inner tent is dancing around unusually.
3. Listen to the wind thundering towards your tent and watch the pole(s) bend violently at each vicious gust. Imagine strange noises outside/wonder if the tent will stand up to the oncoming onslaught. Decide it will. Then not be so sure. Repeat cycle whilst pretending to be unconcerned.
4. Doze off.
5. Wake up suddenly thinking that you’ve heard strange noises outside and/or wondering whether not you left the grill on this morning and/or that your bladder is full and one side of the tent has collapsed in the wind and water is pooling by your head.
6. Exit tent dressed only in thermal undies. Replace all the pegs, and arrange a small cairn of rocks on each guyline to hold them down.
7. Chase sleeping bag across moor.
8. Plan escape to nearest B&B, using GPS to plot the route.
9. Phone nearest B & B and go there immediately or go to (3) above. (You lost the ipod chasing the tent across the moor)

Hope this helps. Happy camping.

Dry/windy location (nice though eh?)

---

“Really entertaining stuff from Mike this month but oh so true! Hopefully not all the things happen in one expedition but they all will at some time - guaranteed!”

Mike Plowman, Stratford On Avon

---

“Absolutely hilarious and so true!! I've also had the group camping experience. The requisite gear braggart with the superlightweight mountain tent, extolling it's virtues all the way up the mountain; not only loses his tent to the wind but suffered the added humiliation of watching the wind tear it to pieces. We drew straws for whose tent this refugee would sleep in. Let me tell you despite the wind, we had a quiet night!!! There's always a sheltered spot and you find it hiking out and about 100 yards from where you chose to camp the night before!!”

Guy Kilgallen, Liverpool

---

“Went wild camping up on Whiteside to photograph the sunset over Derwent Water and then the sunrise over St Sunday Crags. Missed the sunset because there wasn't one and missed the sunrise because the stack for Manchester airport was droning above my head for ages (or so it seemed) so finally went to sleep and slept through the sunrise. But it was a good weekend out and it stayed dry.”

Dave Harris, Frosterley

---

“I've always wanted to have a go at wild camping, it would be incredible. But I've always wondered about the legalities of it - are you allowed to pitch your tent anywhere you like and sleep for the night?”

Daniel Harding, Milton Keynes

---

© Mike Knipe. Mike Knipe is a highly experienced outdoor enthusiast, walk leader and writer who has worked with Durham County Council and English Nature (aka Natural England).

To add your comment to this article - click This Link.

We look forward to hearing from you.

---

Home

• The Bunkhouse

° The Mike Knipe Column

---

› Poking around in the grass

› Mending in the meadows

› In Peat

› Rainy Days and Sundays

› Swaledale Litterati

› A Spaghetti Western (Dales) Tale

› How to see a cloud sea - or Temperature Inversion

› Signs of Spring for Lovers

› How I got Hooked

› Stuck on An Stuc

› The Ascent of Great Hetha

› Some Wild Camping Tips

---

Help

Accounts

Search

Talk To Us

Newsletter/ Example Walks

Advertising & Sponsorship Opportunities

About go4awalk.com

---