The Art of Getting Lost - a word from the Author
Hello, I'm Gnasher the Dog and I'm having to retire from serious fell walking due to a dicky ticker. However, I've been asked to pass on my experience and a few tips to you hill walkers on the Art of Getting Lost. I hope this light-hearted look will raise a smile and make all that aimless wandering about just that bit more interesting and, above-all, fun.
Anyone who wishes to try out these tips on their next expedition is warned that due to Health and Safety legislation, getting lost is illegal in 12 European countries. As it happens, it's still OK in Britain - but it won't be long.... so make the most of it while you still can.
Denis, my walking companion and dog food tin-opener, is a very very very experienced hill walker. True, he does have his limitations, but I have to say, that over the thirteen years of Sundays that I've been pulling his arm off, (I never learened to walk to heel) his greatest skill is in self-dislocation.
Suddenly, and usually about ten minutes before sunset, that "only half a mile to go before we get back to the car", becomes a brutal two hours of deep heather, falling into holes, blasphemy, bad language, heresy, disloyalty to the Crown and emergency sardine eating frenzy (I really don't know why he does that).
Anyway - click on the links on the left to see a short series of parables to illustrate the point.
Just remember, everybody gets lost. Best make the most of it, that's what I say anyway.
© Mike Knipe. Mike Knipe is an experienced outdoor enthusiast, walk leader and writer who has worked with Durham County Council and English Nature (aka Natural England).
Other articles by Mike Knipe on go4awalk.com include: The Mike Knipe Column, The Art of Getting Lost . . . , How to start Peak Bagging . . . , How to sound like a walking expert . . . (writing as Gnasher the Dog) and Is That A Mitt In Your Pocket - Or Are You Just Pleased To See Me?
“After a day's walking in The Mendips, we were returning to my holiday cottage, and went through East Harptree . . . and experienced an effect which my wife calls "the East Harptree triangle".
What is this? I here you ask.
Well every road we tried to take to move away from this place led us... back to East Harptree!!
We eventualy left this accursed place by finding the road we originally came in on.
Andy Millen, The East Harptree Triangle
“Ah - at last - somebody who speaks my language. I've not experienced the particular triangle mentioned but I'm sure it does exist. This is definately an under-reported phenomenon.
Did you experience the time/space shift as well?
I'm interested to know as I keep getting caught up in the 'Crook Triangle' when out walking the doggies.
All my little 6 mile trundles seem to end up in the lounge bar in The Fleece for some reason, and once trapped in there my watch leaps forward by several hours.
Luckily, I've got the K9s with me, so the 'your dinner's in the dog' scenario never happens.
Its an ill wind as they say . . .
Mike Knipe, lost in Crook
(but probably in The Fleece!)”
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